• Bethany Evans

Why Comparing Ourselves to Others is Rejecting What Makes us Authentic

Updated: Oct 7, 2019

For the past two months, I've barely written anything. Some Instagram posts here and there, but the desire and inspiration seemed to be severely suppressed, which was concerning because this is one of my greatest creative outlets. Throughout that time, I had many ideas. I have ideas all of the time. No joke, it can be overwhelming how much I dream up or what goes on in my head on a daily basis, but that's another story.

So why was I denying myself the opportunity to create more regularly? Social media. I was spending a lot of time on Instagram and Facebook, watching all of these amazing people write and create amazing posts, launch programs, tell stories, be AUTHENTIC, and I began comparing myself to them. Why can't I post every day like they do? Why does it seem so easy for them to create content that's so inspiring? How did they have so many followers? Why don't I have that many followers?

You see, the problem here isn't that I don't believe in myself or the message I have to spread. That's actually where the comparing stems from. I know for a fact I have a gift and have some good shit to say, and that those who resonate are inspired and derive value from what I share. But there's a fine line between being humble about it with trust and faith in myself and my own process, and feeding my Ego's desires of competition and seeing myself as separate from others.

When we compare ourselves to others, we are seeing them as separate from us, therefore we judge and feel we have to compete for attention, and that what we have to offer is somehow better, or not good enough (depending on your flavor of self-protection). But when we are focused outside of us, on what everyone else is doing, we are rejecting that aspect of ourselves that is different, unique, and NOT like everyone else. We are basically abandoning our authenticity because we have become attached to an outcome that we believe if we achieve or do something (like have X amount of followers, or create a post every day, or get X amount of likes, sales, $, etc.), it means we are successful, valuable, lovable, or fill in the blank. But to whose standards?

Rejecting our authenticity begins when we are attempting to live up to someone else's standards or expectations, be it society, family, friends, etc. The reason we do this is because as Humans, we NEED connection, love, and support in order to survive. I believe that emotional needs are to be met first and foremost, even before physical needs. If you disagree, try feeding a baby who is so upset and cannot calm down, even though they are VERY hungry. If we don't feel loved and accepted for who we are as children, we end up conforming in different ways to receive that love and affection we so desperately CRAVE and NEED.

This then looks like adopting certain beliefs that we believe will get us that love - over achieving, making lots of money, performing for others to get praise, becoming the scapegoat so you don't stand out and make others uncomfortable. Yikes, that got deep pretty quickly. That's because that is what I see, in myself and in others. Sometimes, well actually, most of the time, we may not even notice that is what we are doing. Have you ever stopped to question why you do certain things and what the results give you?

This is what had me analyzing my reactions during the last two months of not writing. Was I ACTUALLY feeling inspired to write, or was I feeling pressured to do so because everyone else seemed to have the time, energy, and inspiration? Was I taking a break because I wanted to, or because I wasn't feeling like my content was good enough compared to everyone else's in the same niche? What was I making it mean about me for not writing more consistently simply because I said I would, or because that is what is "proven" to make my business grow at a faster rate?

I have spent a lot of time analyzing the way I do things and attempting to fit myself into different boxes based upon what "experts" say worked for them, and you know what I found out? It NEVER worked for ME! I am not putting down anyone else's methods or success by any means, or if they are choosing to market the "best method out there" that's "proven to work and get you x,y,z results in 10 days", because yes, it actually DOES WORK for them and others, just not for me.

I am meant to create my own process, my own algorithm, a brand new way of doing things that is uniquely, authentically ME. And if you're reading this, then maybe you are too. Maybe you're also struggling with standing out and NOT conforming, even though it could possibly mean standing alone for a while, with no one else that understands or accepts us. That's the fear underneath being authentic, right? The fear that our differences will divide us from that love and connection we need to survive. So really it's a fear of death. Loneliness, rejection, abandonment, and heartbreak are more fatal than starvation. It's fucking complex, this Human thing.

Here's the paradox though, by conforming and not being authentic out of fear that we will be rejected, abandoned and unloved by others, we actually ARE being rejected, abandoned, and unloved by OURSELVES. And if we cannot accept and love all of ourselves, how can anyone else do the same? These are the Laws of the Universe at work. We will get back that which we are giving out - emotionally, vibrationally, mentally, physically. But why have we made our own opinion of ourselves less significant than everyone else's?

It will always come back to our own perception, opinion, view, perspective, and beliefs about OURSELVES. We are the ones holding the power and can make anything that happens and anything we experience mean whatever it is we WANT it to mean. If your process differs from everyone else's who seem to be "more successful" (which is all relative, anyway), and you think that's "wrong", then it's time to unpack this belief about yourself and see how THAT is what is holding you back from being successful, however "success" looks to YOU.

Getting to this realization is simple - it's the rewiring your thinking that will take dedication and practice. But once you have this awareness, the gate has been opened and you can CHOOSE HOW to practice something new for yourself. If you think you don't know how, and want to look outside of yourself for a method, I urge you to spend some time alone and listen to what your inner voice and knowing has to say. I promise you, it has been waiting a long time to be heard and seen and will be generous with ideas. Be patient, listen, and then take inspired action!

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