• Bethany Evans

Release Your Resistance to Growing Pains

The reason growth is so difficult for some people is because it means an ending must happen first - be it with a relationship, a job, or a part of you that you have outgrown. If you don't recognize the signs that a change is happening (because it will happen whether you're ready for it or not) and CHOOSE to surrender to it, the change will happen in a way that seems unfair, extremely painful, unpredictable, and sudden. It will seem as if you have zero control over what is occurring, and you may not, but did you miss all of the signs the Universe was sending you to prepare you for this shift?

This ability you have to observe and become aware of the subtle, intuitive messages that come from your connection to Spirit is where you can take your power back from feeling as if you have no control over the direction your life is going. So what is keeping you in that resistant state of denial? Fear. And it's not even that you fear change itself (because if nothing ever changed you would be bored to death), it's the fear of RESPONSIBILITY it would take for you to actually face the ending that is occurring in order to then experience the growth that comes along with changing. Because taking responsibility means admitting where you may have fucked up, or didn't know any better, and if you did fuck up and need to change something - what does that mean about you?

Even more so than fearing responsibility, you fear FEELING the depth of what this ending means - what that thing you are leaving behind meant to you (attachment) and how vital a role it played in your life up to this point, only to realize you no longer identify with it in a healthy way. You also fear what it means about you that something now needs to change - you think you've failed, you feel ashamed, you think you've done something wrong, and you're terrified of trying something new because won't the same thing just happen again when it's time for another growth cycle to occur? But if you step back and reflect on where this voice is coming from, you'll realize this is all the Ego's attempt to maintain it's "good" standing, and not the higher perspective of your Soul.

The Ego always wants to be right, to be seen as "good" and righteous. It sees everything else as separate from you, and this keeps you from fully feeling the depth of the interconnectedness of all that is - LOVE. It doesn't mean you have to hate or disown anything you have to leave behind - it's giving you an opportunity to see if for what it was and the experience it gave you - to let go with love and appreciation (whether painful or not) because it DID play a vital role in who you are and who you are becoming. Choosing to hold onto something just because it's comfortable will halt your growth and your life will become stagnant.

When I was younger, change gave me anxiety because whenever change was happening in my life, it meant instability. I felt out control over the circumstances of my life, and it never felt like "good" change that made me feel anything other than anxious. I learned very early on that change was inevitable, and I was constantly waiting for my environment to shift, knowing that as soon as I felt comfortable or safe, things would soon change again. Therefore, I couldn't even enjoy my present moment because I was always worried about what might happen next. I created an association that change = something bad because instability and anxiety as a child is confusing and scary. I wasn't given the appropriate amount of support, guidance, or awareness from others to create strategies on how to recognize and manage my emotions through the change and the growing pains that came along with it.

Even as a young adult, I operated with this subconscious belief to fear and resist change and attempting to control circumstances and people around me became my coping mechanism. But what I was really trying to do was shield myself from feeling what needed to be healed within me. It is so much easier to blame outside circumstances and people for things going wrong, for how much you hurt. It takes the responsibility away from you, and keeps you from actually doing the inner reflection in order to empower more mindful choices and initiate that change yourself. You can become at cause, and not at effect of the cycles you inevitably grow through.

The point is though, that it doesn't matter WHAT is changing, it's about the relationship you have to the actual shift that is crucial. A lot of people resist change because they have created a negative story around it, like I had. The general consensus becomes, change = being uncomfortable, and everyone has gotten really, really good at finding ways to stay comfortable, even if they are self-destructive. So what are you afraid of feeling that would cause these feelings of being uncomfortable?

Another point I would like to make is that this doesn't automatically mean feeling happy and joyful is what is comfortable for everyone because there are actually some of us who get really comfortable in our pain, just like I had gotten comfortable in my anxiety. That was my comfort level. Being happy and content for long periods of time was out of my comfort zone, and I still to this day struggle with not waiting for the other shoe to drop when I feel joyful. Hell, I might even not allow myself to fully reach a state of bliss sometimes (resistance) out of fear of knowing the inevitable change that will occur when it's time to move into the next phase of growth. But that is how I attempt to appease my Ego's need for power and control, rather than trusting that whatever is happening and however it happens, I will be able to withstand ALL of it, and come out the other side more powerful, whole, and wise.

Once you catch on to the cyclical nature of life, you can begin to learn and trust that change occurs for your BENEFIT! But first you will need to let go of your need to feel in control because you are not - not when it comes to things changing, at least. What you DO have control over is becoming aware of the REASON this change is occurring in your life and learning from it - asking, "What wisdom is available for me to acquire so I can become a more evolved version of me?" And then do it! Do the thing you're terrified to experience or become. THAT'S where your power is - the choice to let go and surrender to the fact that you make up a small part of a larger Universe that has within it imperfectly perfect cycles, seasons, rhythms, and laws.

It may not make much sense whilst the change is happening, but once the uncomfortability of growing pains subsides, because you ALLOWED yourself to feel and move through them, you'll be able to see the process for what it truly was there to do for you! And then you'll become more aware of the signs the next time the Universe is ready for you to level up - only this time, you'll KNOW the power you hold to withstand the pain.

Ready to level up? Book a session with me today!

Sending you love and power!

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