• Bethany Evans

How to Turn Pain into Authentic Power

Updated: Oct 7, 2019

When something painful happens to us, we generally have automatic reactions that include some form of defense - shutting down, running away, fighting back, disassociation, denial, numbing out - and we do this because it gives us some sense of control over what's happening. Because we cannot control the outside circumstances, the person, the situation, we control how we react to the pain.

However, depending on the environment and culture we grew up in, any emotion that is intense and uncomfortable such as anger, sadness, heartbreak, jealousy, envy, etc. is taught to be feared instead of accepted. It is actually quite rare that we were taught as children how to process these emotions and channel them into something creative rather than destructive.

So we grow up as adults and are drawn to certain situations, people, and experiences where we have these specific lessons to learn in order to gain personal knowledge, wisdom, and power. We tend to view them as too painful to actually experience, though, because it will be inconvenient and messy, so we fear them instead - enter the defense mechanisms.

The disconnect is that we don't see these situations for what they really are - an opportunity, a gift, given to us by the Universe to evolve. But we must face this pain head on if we want to truly transcend past the automatic responses that we have been taught are more appropriate in society. This requires a level of awareness, courage, and inner strength that is not always easy to achieve, but once again, we have come to believe that we are not able to handle such painful feelings, which is really just because we lack the practice, mastery, and confidence on how to handle these situations appropriately.

When I began my journey of ascension a few years ago, I was in so much pain. I felt empty, lonely, lacked real self-esteem and everything that used to provide me with a sense of value did not make me feel good about myself anymore. That was the problem, though, I was searching externally for validation and self-worth. Because of this, I created a lot of suffering for myself and others, especially those closest to me. All because I wasn't addressing my core wound - that deep pain that wanted to be acknowledged, accepted, seen, heard, and loved, by ME - not anyone else.

I went through the process of blaming everyone around me and trying all of the same coping mechanisms to make myself feel better, but nothing worked anymore. I was ignoring my inner self that was screaming at me to go inward and face what was there. Finally, after some shameful and destrutive behaviors that included me cheating on my husband and breaking up our family, and then "falling in love" with someone else who I believed would save me that turned into another painful, embarrassing break up and lesson, I had no choice but to go inside and figure out why the hell I was acting this way.

Because the pain was so immense and I couldn't ignore it or suppress it any longer, this is where things shifted for me. I began gaining a sense of "control" over my life by diving deep into my authentic self, which included a lot of darkness and pain, but I began understanding myself in a brand new way. I became empowered by realizing that I had the power to actually CHOOSE to do things differently, and I wasn't at the mercy of outside circumstances, or my past.

By addressing my core wound of low self-worth, I am no longer just managing my emotions when they come up by finding a temporary "fix" in the moment - that feeling of control. Instead, I choose to empower my own inner strength by being proactive and have built the bandwidth within myself to feel, process, and understand not just my pain, but all of my emotions so that I can respond coming from a place of power instead of fear - responding versus reacting.

The reason I do what I do now is because if I can support others in facing their pain without having to create the same mistakes, messes, or suffering that I went through, then I will know that what I experienced had a bigger purpose, because it does. Everything we experience has a purpose, ESPECIALLY our pain. So don't be afraid of it - embrace it, love it, and empower it to lift you higher on your journey of evolution.

Everyone deserves forgiveness, unconditional love, compassion, and second chances. But first it requires some honesty, vulnerability, responsibility, and humility with yourself and others. No one needs to suffer and feel comfortable in their pain, yet a lot of us believe we somehow are not able to get out of it, but that is a very limited perspective. And we are all EXPANSIVE, POWERFUL, and MAGICAL beings who must experience the darkness in order to appreciate the light, and know the difference between the power that each holds.

We have the power to create anything we want from the lessons we have learned - so what do you choose to do with this power today?

Much love!

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