Connection is Empowering, Attachment is Depleting
Here is a rule of thumb for if you are having trouble deciding whether something or someone is good for you: notice how you feel when you are around said thing or person. Do you have more energy, or do you feel more tired? Are they giving you some source of power with a connection of energy running steadily between the two of you, or are you giving away all of your energy in a one-sided transaction and feeling depleted? I saw a quote on Instagram today that said: Know the difference between connection and attachment. Connection gives you power, and attachment sucks the life out of you.
This isn't always as easy to spot right away, unless you are looking for it or noticing a big dip in your own energy levels all of a sudden. But, identifying this can provide you with the opportunity to take your power back and set appropriate energetic boundaries for yourself. Now, if you are like me and have grown up in co-dependency, boundaries may be a fairly new word for you. You might be used to freely giving away your energy to anyone that asks for it simply because you don't want to upset them, or you think you can save them, and vice versa. But in doing so, you are creating an unhealthy attachment that then leaves you vulnerable to be taken advantage of, or you taking advantage of others.
Connection is reciprocal. Attachment is one-sided. Think of connection like the infinity symbol - a constant open pathway back and forth with no end, causing an interconnected channel of energy flow. Think of attachment like a leech - one entity sucking the life force out of the another, with no cause of concern for the one being sucked upon. If you intuitively can feel that this dynamic is happening with any person or situation in your life, it is time to get clear for yourself whether or not this can be shifted into an empowering connection, or if it needs to end. Because it will inevitably happen to all of us, on both sides. You will be the one attached to someone else in your life, and someone else will be attached to you at some point in your life.
This is the core of co-dependency, which is needing an external person or thing to replace something you feel is missing within you. And perhaps you DO need someone or something to provide you with something, but the difference is that they can TEACH you how to do it for yourself, rather than expect them to DO it for you. This is how you can set the boundary when you feel it is happening to you. Be clear in your communication and remember that you teach people how to treat you by what you ALLOW. So if you've been allowing it thus far, there may be confusion and upset on their part when you attempt to create a reciprocal connection rather than an attachment. And how they respond to you will show you if they are willing or able to be reciprocal or if they are not ready to evolve from the attachment style of being with others.
What I love about the quote: I am connected to everything and attached to nothing, is that if you allow yourself to be CONNECTED, you can learn something from everything and everyone, even if it is undesirable and painful, which allows you to grow and move through the inevitable cycles of life in a state of flow and ease. If you are attached to something or someone, you stay stuck in one spot and the energy flow begins to get backed up like a clogged pipe. This is how you can create emotional and energetic blockages within your body, and why you may sometimes have a hard time moving on from certain behaviors, situations, memories, or relationships. If you are attached to nothing, you are not easily disappointed because you are in tune with the flow of life, and understand that you don't have much control over how things will play out.
This is one of the most deeply difficult and humbling lessons we ALL have to learn here on Earth, and eventually will surrender to this truth. So, if you are feeling this Monday Meditation topic but are having some difficulty setting your own boundaries or making sense of the dynamics you have playing out in your life at the moment and would like some personalized support on how to communicate your boundaries honestly and powerfully, book a session with me today. Everyone will need their own individualized plan and way of doing this, and I am here to support you for just that!
Sending you so much love and strength!